The Art of Communication - Styles

There are undoubtedly many different ways we might consider when communicating, in this log we are going to focus on 4 styles that people typically employ in order to achieve an outcome: tell, sell, discuss and empower.

TELL

Tell is the style that often comes most naturally to people, liking the sound of their own voices!.  Throughout life, most people will themselves have been told what to do by others in authority, whether by parents, teachers, or more senior people within the workplace, so it not surprising that they naturally take on this style themselves.  Tell is a one-way style of communication used to convey information related to what to do and, if required, how to do it.   

In this way, tell is useful in those situations where people don’t know what to do or how to do it and therefore have to be told.  It is also useful in those situations when we want to maintain control or authority, or when we have limited time, there is a sense of urgency, and we need to do things quickly.  However, tell has its limitations too.  On the one hand, tell doesn’t require a person to think for themselves, only to do what they’re told, and does nothing for their ability to do so.  On the other hand, people don’t generally like being told what to do, particularly if they believe they already know what to do and how to do it.  And tell conveys little ownership to the person being told such that, by retaining control, the teller ultimately remains responsible.

SELL

Sell is the style adopted by many people as they become more experienced at communicating.  Traditionally sell is a one-way style of communication based upon tell, but one in which an explanation of the reasons why to do something, typically in the form of benefits and consequences, are introduced. 

In this way, sell is useful in those situations where a person needs to “buy into”, be convinced or be motivated in order to take action.  However, whilst sell does involve an explanation of the reasons for doing things, these reasons are most often those of the seller, such that their motives might not necessarily motivate the person being sold.  Consequently, any motivation that is derived runs the risk of being externally rather than intrinsically driven, whilst the style itself can often appear manipulative.  In these situations, the seller typically has to work quite hard in order to convince people and, if this doesn’t work, the person ends up being told. 

DISCUSS

Discuss is a two-way style of communication in which another person is invited to participate and share points of view before a decision is arrived at together. 

In this way, discuss is useful in those situations where two minds are better than one, where the knowledge, skills and experiences of another person can assist the creative-thinking and problem-solving processes by which joint decisions are made.  It is also a useful style with which to make people feel valued and that their own opinions and experiences count.  In doing so, it is a style that conveys joint ownership and responsibility.  However, by its very nature, discuss is a style that requires at least one other person, whilst differing opinions without prior agreement as to how final decisions will be arrived at can often lead to conflict.  The very nature of discussion, meanwhile, often means that it can take a lot of time, whilst extended discussions without clear guidelines and agenda run the very real risk of being “all talk, no action”.

EMPOWER

Empower can be considered both a one and two-way style of communication.  As a one-way style, it is fundamentally linked to the concept of delegation, whereby one person tells another person to do things for and by themselves.  As a two-way style, meanwhile, it involves an empowered person having a discussion with themselves. 

In this way, empower is useful in those situations where we want to make

people wholly responsible, enable them to do what they do best, and give them ownership.  It is also useful in those situations when there is no one else, such that the person has to be able to do things for and by themselves.  At the same time, it frees up the time of the person delegating to focus on other things.  However, true empowerment requires that a person has both the knowledge and skills to do the job combined with the confidence and motivation to make their own decisions.  At the same time, the person delegating needs to have confidence in the person they are empowering in order to be able to delegate.  And whilst time might be something the person delegating may well want to gain, control and authority are often things they don’t want to lose.

 

 

and when it all gets a little confusing: