Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence Theory (EQ - Emotional Quotient)

Emotional Intelligence - EQ - is a relatively recent behavioural model, rising to prominence with Daniel Goleman's 1995 Book called 'Emotional Intelligence'. The early Emotional Intelligence theory was originally developed during the 1970s and 80s by the work and writings of psychologists Howard Gardner (Harvard), Peter Salovey (Yale) and John 'Jack' Mayer (New Hampshire). Emotional Intelligence is increasingly relevant to organizational development and developing people, because the EQ principles provide a new way to understand and assess people's behaviours, management styles, attitudes, interpersonal skills, and potential. Emotional Intelligence is an important consideration in human resources planning, job profiling, recruitment interviewing and selection, management development, customer relations and customer service, and more.

The EQ concept argues that IQ, or conventional intelligence, is too narrow; that there are wider areas of Emotional Intelligence that dictate and enable how successful we are. Success requires more than IQ (Intelligence Quotient), which has tended to be the traditional measure of intelligence, ignoring essential behavioural and character elements. We've all met people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially and inter-personally inept. And we know that despite possessing a high IQ rating, success does not automatically follow.

Different approaches and theoretical models have been developed for Emotional Intelligence. This summary article focuses chiefly on the Goleman interpretation. The work of Mayer, Salovey and David Caruso (Yale) is also very significant in the field of Emotional Intelligence, and will in due course be summarised here too.

Emotional Intelligence - Two Aspects

This is the essential premise of EQ: to be successful requires the effective awareness, control and management of one's own emotions, and those of other people. EQ embraces two aspects of intelligence:

• Understanding yourself, your goals, intentions, responses, behaviour and all.
• Understanding others, and their feelings.

Emotional Intelligence - The Five Domains

Goleman identified the five 'domains' of EQ as:
Knowing your emotions.

1. Managing your own emotions.
2. Motivating yourself.
3. Recognising and understanding other people's emotions.
4. Managing relationships, i.e., managing the emotions of others.

Emotional Intelligence embraces and draws from numerous other branches of behavioural, emotional and communications theories, such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Transactional Analysis, and empathy. By developing our Emotional Intelligence in these areas and the five EQ domains we can become more productive and successful at what we do, and help others to be more productive and successful too. The process and outcomes of Emotional Intelligence development also contain many elements known to reduce stress for individuals and organizations, by decreasing conflict, improving relationships and understanding, and increasing stability, continuity and harmony.

http://www.businessballs.com/eq.htm

10 Tips to Establish Rapport

Establishing rapport - having people like us and remember us fondly - is an invaluable skill. Whether you are in a business, a friendship, a relationship, selling, or just want to be more well-liked - rapport building skills can help you reach your goals. I use some of these skills to develop rapid rapport with my business, counseling and coaching clients. Remember that the key to all rapport building is sincerity and bringing a true love of others to your new relationships. With that in mind, lets get started:
1. Listen - Listening is the 'King' of all rapport building skills. EVERYONE loves to be listened to! Think about it. How do you feel when someone ignores you or talks over you? Do you feel connected to these people? NO! Who are the people you are closest too? I highly suspect that they are the people who listen to you intently and are concerned about your issues and wellbeing, right? Listening says, "I'm listening because you, and therefore, what you have to say, are important." People's greatest desire is to be truly listened to. Help them accomplish this most important goal, and they will like and admire you for it. Practice "conversational generosity" - don't speak more than 30% of the time (10-20% is optimal).


2. Link Interests - Opposites DON'T Attract!!! People like each because of their similarities. So, whenever possible, notice similar interests and be sure to talk about and expand on them. This may take some searching and questioning to discover their interests - that's okay - people will be glad that you are so interested in them that you ask several questions about them. Even if you don't have any similar activities, have them discuss an area you find interesting or want to explore. For example, my old boss Mark loves golf. I have never played, but have a sincere interest in learning the game, so I asked him to explain some things about the game to me. He was thrilled that I was interested and complimented that I wanted him to be my teacher and valued his advice. Think of ways you can use this tool.


3. Ask For Advice - An old quote by Thoreau states, "The greatest compliment ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to the answer." Asking for advice is perhaps the most sincere compliment you can pay to a person. You also have to humble yourself ever so slightly to ask for advice, and this vulnerability will create a sense of openness and trust between you. People are always happy to give advice and will associate that sense of happiness to you quickly. Aren't your friends the ones whom you go to for advice? How can this person give you advice and not be your friend? See how strong this link is? People also admire someone who can ask for and accept advice. So few people can do this well, that it has become an admirable trait. Try it and see.


4. Compliments & Praise - No, this is NOT "kissing up" or being phony - this never works! What we are looking to do is notice praise-worthy things people discuss and mention them to the person. Notice the difference in the next two responses. Your new friend tells you they just won an award for helping children and you say either "that's great!" or "Wow, that's quite an accomplishment! You must have made a tremendous contribution to the lives of those children, you should be very proud." Which response would you rather hear? Are they both true? Yes! Will one response have more impact and create a stronger connection? Definitely, yes! Noticing and commenting on the good people do and their special qualities is a great way to live, it is classy, and a great way to connect with others.


5. Demonstrate Liking & Appreciation - Most people instinctively like people who like them (and vice-versa). Many people like each other, but rarely tell each other. I make it a point to tell my friends that I like them and appreciate them - they already know this, but it's still great to hear. With people I've just met, if I like them, I say things like "It's been great getting to know you; I love to meet warm, open people."" I really liked the way you talked about (BLANK).""Thank you for making me feel so welcome in your home. I had a great time today - let's pick another time to get together soon." These are just a few examples. Can you come up with better ones? Sincere appreciation like this supports friendship and cements relationships.


6. Adopt Their Values/Beliefs - As you are listening to the other person speak, notice their values/beliefs, and discuss areas where your values/beliefs sincerely overlap with theirs. Remember when I said it is best to speak 30% or less of the time? Take at least half of this time and use it to agree with, support, or expand on whatever the other person was talking about. You will never make a friend by disagreeing with them. Let points you don't agree with slip by, and chime in when you hear something you agree with. By doing this you will make a friend, and at the same time, subtly promote the areas you believe in and starve the areas you don't.


7. Enthusiasm - Communication is the transfer of energy/emotion. Everyone seems to love someone with enthusiasm because we all admire it and wish we had more! Enthusiastic people seem to brighten up a room with their positive energy, and we want that to rub off on us, we want to be a part of it. When someone is enthusiastic about our thoughts and ideas we immediately feel understood, appreciated and just plain great! No one will ever be offended by you getting excited about their ideas!


8. Matching and Mirroring - Matching & mirroring simply means that we match the approximate characteristics of the other person to help create alignment with them. Therefore, if they cross their legs do the same shortly after. If they tend to talk more slowly, slow your rhythm down so it is closer to theirs. If they use certain lingo, you can use it later in the conversation. If they are reserved, you be more reserved. And so on. Remember, we like people who are like us. This is a natural process that most people do unconsciously anyways - now you can know to do it consciously. It is a very powerful tool because vocal tone/speed and body language account for 93% of communication. This tool will make people very comfortable around you and is a very subtle technique.


9. Smile & Warmth - The first contact with another person is your face! Make sure that you present as warm, friendly and happy. A smile and a sincere desire for friendship will resonate in your voice and be demonstrated in your every action. First impressions are powerful; present the way you want to be remembered - SMILE! Smiling shows that you are happy to see the other person and like them. Smiling and warmth make others feel good around you - this is a lost skill - use it and you will shine.


10. Attending Skills - This simply means that you attend to the needs of the people you are with. It follows the lines of simple good manners, i.e., holding the door for someone, offering them a drink or a chair, buying them lunch, shaking their hand right away when you see them, etc. Almost any small courtesy or act of kindness falls in this category. These simple acts say without words that the other person is like, respected and appreciated. (And an action is worth what? That's right! A thousand words!)

And just to rap it all up:



http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paul_Cline

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFWJSGgGC

Communication - Giving Feedback

How to give feedback

Before giving feedback make sure you remind yourself why you are doing it. The purpose for giving feedback is to improve the situation or performance of your colleague or employee.

You won't accomplish that by being harsh, critical, or offensive. So focus on the change you want to see rather than the problems you don't want to see.

Prepare your comments - you don't always need a script but you do need to be clear about what you are going to say. This helps you stay on track and stick to the issues.

The AEIOU model

This model can be used with groups, between two people, at any level of your team, group or organisation. ie project manager to team member; team member to team member, manager to manager. Focusing on collaboration or Win/Win outcome, the key to this approach is a concept known as Positive Intentionality (sounds complex but it's really simple).

Positive Intentionality assumes the other person means well and is not trying to cause a conflict. For example: Your Manager has delegated the coordination of a specific task to you because of your background and experience, and then constantly checks with you 'just to see how it's going'. You find this aggravating and you're beginning to feel that you're not trusted. If you approach your Manager to discuss this and begin with a question such as "Why are you constantly looking over my shoulder when you assign me to a task?" you come across as accusatory, automatically putting your Manager on the defense. With Positive Intentionality, you attempt to identify a positive reason in your Manager's mind for his or her action. Perhaps he or she simply wants to make sure everything is going right, or that you aren't overloaded.

After you've identified a positive intention, you can then use it to open the issue without putting your Manager the defensive. Start with "I know you're concerned about getting this workshop organised " you are identifying with your manager's concern rather than accusing his or her action.

Steps in AEIOU model........

A: Assume the other person means well. If you assume the other person is trying to cause conflict, the chances for effectively managing the situation are greatly reduced. However, if you attempt to identify a positive intention and state it to the other person, you substantially increase the possibility of resolving the differences.

E: Express your feelings. After you've indicated to the person what you perceive to be a positive intention, you then respond by affirming that position and expressing your own specific concern.

I: Identify what you would like to happen.In this step you non-defensively propose the changes you would like to see occur. Although you need to be firm in your approach, the language you choose is very important. Saying "I want" is extremely different from saying "I would like"

O: Outcome expected. Indicate the positive and the negative potential outcomes, but emphasise the positive expectations for both of you , Whats in it for me? (WIIFM?)

U: Understanding on a mutual basis. In this final stage, the aim is to get the other person to agree to your proposal. A good way to do this is to ask "Could we agree to this for a while and see if it works out for both of us?"

Of course there are always two sides to the story so you need to be ready to consider a compromise or alternative options in this step. So give some thought about the 'conflicts' that you are involved with or may be involved with in the future. Could the AEIOU process be a useful tool in managing it? What questions will you ask?

This Slide show also gives further insight to feedback:

Giving feedback from Power Hour Training

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Give-Feedback-to-Peers-or-Employees&id=7854842


http://www.slideshare.net/PowerHour/giving-feedback-24049007?from_search=1

The Art of Communication - Styles

There are undoubtedly many different ways we might consider when communicating, in this log we are going to focus on 4 styles that people typically employ in order to achieve an outcome: tell, sell, discuss and empower.

TELL

Tell is the style that often comes most naturally to people, liking the sound of their own voices!.  Throughout life, most people will themselves have been told what to do by others in authority, whether by parents, teachers, or more senior people within the workplace, so it not surprising that they naturally take on this style themselves.  Tell is a one-way style of communication used to convey information related to what to do and, if required, how to do it.   

In this way, tell is useful in those situations where people don’t know what to do or how to do it and therefore have to be told.  It is also useful in those situations when we want to maintain control or authority, or when we have limited time, there is a sense of urgency, and we need to do things quickly.  However, tell has its limitations too.  On the one hand, tell doesn’t require a person to think for themselves, only to do what they’re told, and does nothing for their ability to do so.  On the other hand, people don’t generally like being told what to do, particularly if they believe they already know what to do and how to do it.  And tell conveys little ownership to the person being told such that, by retaining control, the teller ultimately remains responsible.

SELL

Sell is the style adopted by many people as they become more experienced at communicating.  Traditionally sell is a one-way style of communication based upon tell, but one in which an explanation of the reasons why to do something, typically in the form of benefits and consequences, are introduced. 

In this way, sell is useful in those situations where a person needs to “buy into”, be convinced or be motivated in order to take action.  However, whilst sell does involve an explanation of the reasons for doing things, these reasons are most often those of the seller, such that their motives might not necessarily motivate the person being sold.  Consequently, any motivation that is derived runs the risk of being externally rather than intrinsically driven, whilst the style itself can often appear manipulative.  In these situations, the seller typically has to work quite hard in order to convince people and, if this doesn’t work, the person ends up being told. 

DISCUSS

Discuss is a two-way style of communication in which another person is invited to participate and share points of view before a decision is arrived at together. 

In this way, discuss is useful in those situations where two minds are better than one, where the knowledge, skills and experiences of another person can assist the creative-thinking and problem-solving processes by which joint decisions are made.  It is also a useful style with which to make people feel valued and that their own opinions and experiences count.  In doing so, it is a style that conveys joint ownership and responsibility.  However, by its very nature, discuss is a style that requires at least one other person, whilst differing opinions without prior agreement as to how final decisions will be arrived at can often lead to conflict.  The very nature of discussion, meanwhile, often means that it can take a lot of time, whilst extended discussions without clear guidelines and agenda run the very real risk of being “all talk, no action”.

EMPOWER

Empower can be considered both a one and two-way style of communication.  As a one-way style, it is fundamentally linked to the concept of delegation, whereby one person tells another person to do things for and by themselves.  As a two-way style, meanwhile, it involves an empowered person having a discussion with themselves. 

In this way, empower is useful in those situations where we want to make

people wholly responsible, enable them to do what they do best, and give them ownership.  It is also useful in those situations when there is no one else, such that the person has to be able to do things for and by themselves.  At the same time, it frees up the time of the person delegating to focus on other things.  However, true empowerment requires that a person has both the knowledge and skills to do the job combined with the confidence and motivation to make their own decisions.  At the same time, the person delegating needs to have confidence in the person they are empowering in order to be able to delegate.  And whilst time might be something the person delegating may well want to gain, control and authority are often things they don’t want to lose.

 

 

and when it all gets a little confusing: